Hey There, Delilah (song)
Words by Tim Hawkins
Hey there, Delilah
This is your ex-boyfriend Samson
I know you thought that lifting weights
Made me so buff and handsome
You were wrong
It’s cause I let my hair grow long
That makes me strong
Hey there, Delilah
You came in while I was sleeping
And I couldn’t feel you cutting
And I didn’t hear you creeping out the door
You left my hair piled on the floor
While I just snored.
Oh, what you did to me
Oh, while I was asleep
Oh, I’m a Nazarene
Oh, but you shave me clean
Delilah you’re so mean
Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, August, 25. Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine. Tim Hawkins joins us today so get ready for some refreshment.
Tim: (Continue song)
Hey there, Delilah why did you have to deceive me
And it’s hard for me to think not long ago I wanted you to be my bride
But you took too much off the sides
Hey there, Delilah when you die
Just tell the Devil I said, "Hi,"
Bob: And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. So that you think that I’m just sitting here wishing I was Tim Hawkins? Is that what you are thinking?
Dennis: I do! I do! I think that you are somehow viscerally, , ,
Bob: Vicariously,
Dennis: Watching him perform here on FamilyLife Today.
Bob: Well, I do have to admit that there are times when I will click on YouTube and I’ll watch Tim do some of the stuff that he does in churches or wherever. And I think, “Now look, how hard it that? That is so stupidly easy. Anybody could do that. That is what I think.
Dennis: Because you are good at it.
Bob: Well,,,, you ,,, but , , , , you’re up there talking , , , ,
Tim: Sure! Sure Bob, go ahead. Go for it! Have at it, Bob!
Bob: Come on ‘Big Boy’ let’s see how you do out here in the real world!
Dennis: We have decided our listeners have had enough bad news. So we’ve dedicated a couple of days here on FamilyLife Today to Tim Hawkins and just letting him tickle our giggle boxes.
Bob: And if anybody doesn’t know who Tim is, just go to . . . Should we send them to YouTube or Tangle?
Tim: Sure Tangle or Tim Hawkins.net.
Bob: And there are videos racked up and ready to go?
Tim: Oh yeah! They are ready to rock!
Dennis: Oh yeah! In fact one of them I want you to comment on this because I think there is something latent in this that you are trying to express.
Tim: Okay, I don’t what latent means
Dennis: “ I’m no ‘rock star’,” in fact you said you possessed two things; only two things different than everybody else.
Tim: Right! I’m on stage!
Dennis: Do you know what they are?
Tim: Yes! I do! I have a microphone and talent! That is the only two things that separate between me, and especially you two guys.
Bob: We’ve got microphones!
Dennis: We’ve got mikes!
Tim: That’s true! Well, that’s, I guess, the talent part. The only different thing! You’re close!
Dennis: But, you have a guitar?
Tim: I do!
Dennis: And earlier you were going to have him sing a song.
Bob: Yes! There is a song that has become . . . would this be your greatest hit – you think?
Tim: It is one of them. It has got quite a few hits on the internet.
Bob: This is , , , you heard Carrie Underwood singing the song, “Jesus Take the Wheel?”
Tim: Right!
Bob: I am just wondering how you got from that… to the fishing song that you wrote?
Tim: Well, once again, a lot of the songs I pick; like if I do a parody, I want to do a song that a lot of people know.
Bob: Right!
Tim: So that is kind of one of the challenges.
Bob: Big song – “Jesus Take the Wheel.”
Tim: That is definitely one they know, and I love it. It is a beautiful song. I love country music and in our family we’re big Carrie Underwood fans. But, there also comes a point where after you hear it 20 times in one day, it is like a light from above tells me, ‘you need to take this and make it your own.’
Bob: Did the title of the song just kind of pop into your mind as you were listening to it one day?
Tim: I was messing with it and , , , Yeah! You are driving around and you just kind of let your mind run free.
Dennis: So, you rewrote it.
Tim: Yes!
Bob: Grab your guitar! The song as you re-imagined it, and you came up with the name Cletus? You don’t actually know anybody named Cletus, do you?
Tim: Right! Well, I know here in Arkansas that is a common name. What do you have two billion name choices and you have people naming their kid, Cletus?
Bob: This is a fishing song named, “Cletus Take the Reel.”
Cletus Take the Reel (song)
Words by Tim Hawkins
I was fishing last Friday on a lake in Mississippi in the humid summer heat
On a boat with my best friend Cletus who was sleeping in the back seat
Well the bites were slow and we were running low on chips and Gatorade
It'd been a long hard day
Felt a tug on the line and I didn't pay attention it was spinning way to fast
Before I knew it I was staring at a ten pound shiny bass
When I tried to pull the fish inside I pulled a muscle in my upper thigh
I was so scared I threw my rod up in the air
Cletus take the reel
Take it from my hand
Cause I can't do it on my own
I'm letting go…..
Dennis: I have fished with a guy like this!
Tim: Dennis, I’m singing!
. . . and I need your help bad
And if you don't my fish is gone
Oh, Cletus take the reel
Bob: We were aware you were singing, , ,
Tim: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Bob: That’s why we tried to interrupt.
Tim: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh – haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Dennis: Is that the sound of the reel?
Tim: Ya’ll just stole the magic, right there, come on.
Dennis: Keep going! Keep going!
Tim: No, That’s it.
Dennis: That’s all? That’s all – you only have one stanza?
Tim: That’s it! You get in and you get out, Dennis. That is the rule in comedy!
Bob: Now you actually did a music video on that song; and did you actually,,, you had to go on the lake and shoot the whole thing?
Tim: Shot the whole thing in about a half a day.
Dennis: Where did you buy the bass?
Tim: We actually looked for one, we couldn’t find one. We found a fake one at Bass Pro Shop. It was one of those singing basses you put , , , , , but it just didn’t look real enough. So, my brother actually caught the fish and we used it. It actually says a, “ten pound shiny bass” – this one was probably like ¾ of a pound.
Bob: Here’s the question, has Carrie heard it, seen it, or have you had any communications with her?
Tim: I hope so! I hope she has! And if she has, once again, we are big fans.
Dennis: I thought you were going to say, “See you in court.”
Tim: Right! I have no money, what do you want?
Bob: Has anybody ever come up to you and said, “I can’t believe you took a song about JESUS and made it into a fishing song?”
Tim: It happens, rarely. If you do your song and thousands of people have heard it and you get one person that has a problem, well, it is probably you. If you get more, 5or 6, okay maybe I need to rethink it.
Bob: I need to ask you about that, because in comedy you are walking the lines sometimes in terms of what is going to offend people, what is going to push the envelope, and you have to be very careful. I would think there is a mental discipline involved to make sure that you don’t go someplace that you shouldn’t ought to go in comedy.
Tim: That is the beautiful thing about it is that the audience will tell you. An audience is your best friend! If they are not laughing at a joke they are telling you the joke is not funny.
Bob: I am not talking about not funny; I am talking about crossing the envelope to them.
Tim: Oh sure! And 80% of my shows are in church related events.
Dennis: How do you determine what course jesting is?
Tim: Well, you know what? My rule has always been, ‘if it is man-made I think it is fair game.’ If it is something man-made it is not vicious, but it’s something we can talk about.
Bob: So, if you want to talk about . . .
Tim: Like the quirky ways people pray! Now prayer is a very important thing, and it’s not to make fun of, but have you ever heard these guys called,… I call them, ‘Thesaurus prayers?’
They pray like a Thesaurus! Like LORD lead us, guide us, and direct us.
That means the same thing Ro-jay, you want to move it along here, and I’ve got things to do.
Like LORD guard us, protect us, watch over us, okay, , , finish, wrap it up, conclude.
I’m famished, starving, hungry. I want to go to Denny’s, I-Hop, Arby’s – let’s go Spurgeon.
That kind of stuff! The things in the church or in the church world that we Christians do. We all do it, a lot of the same stuff. I really don’t get into doctrinal stuff and things like that. You would be making enemies left and right if you want to . . . .
It’s like political humor, , , you do a political joke, ½ the crowd is going to be against you.
Bob: Right! You do talk about relationships, about husband and wife relationships sometimes.
Tim: Right! And that is the thing, I try to link into really universal topics. Our Mama’s all said the same thing, our Daddy’s did the same stuff, and our kids do the same stuff. If I can lock in to that, ‘you know, that’s true, my kids do that.’ That’s where it . . .
Bob: As you talk about your marriage or your family, are there things that you say to your wife, “Do I have your permission to tell this story?”
Tim: Oh yes! Well, sometimes! I really don’t want to make her look bad. Really! I don’t!
She has told me a few times, “you know you need to chill out and don’t give me such a ‘witch-like’ voice when you talk.” Sweetheart, , , but she is right! It so helps me to really make the act where as many people as possible will enjoy it.
Dennis: You actually have a little gig you do on a ‘Super Nanny.’ Do you think there is room within the Christian community for a new ‘Super Nanny’ show? Is that right?
Tim: I really do! I love that show. Have you seen that show, Super Nanny?
Dennis: Sure!
Tim: This English nanny, she comes over and she helps these American brat kids. I just love it! She is so patient! She never loses her cool. The kids just go nuts! And she’s like, (with English accent) “No, Thomas, no! We don’t do that. That is improper, Thomas! No, I can’t have that! I am going to get harsh with you. I am going to have to get harsh! Go sit on the naughty mat!”
The naughty mat, , , that’s, , , are you kidding? There’s got to be more! I was raised a little bit different than that, , , my Mom . . .
Dennis: Oh Yeah! Here we go…
Tim: My Mom would tell me what she was going to do to punish me, “Honey, I’m going to beat the snot out of you, right here is Sears. I’m going to hit your head so hard, snot, flies out of the front of your head. You understand me?”
Sometimes when she was really mad she’d beat the ‘living snot’ – “I’m going to beat the living snot out of you.”
Dennis: She also compared your head to a pickle jar, didn’t she?
Tim: That’s right! “I’m going to spin your head off like a lid on a pickle jar, boy! I ain’t afraid of you.”
Bob: You didn’t have a ‘naughty mat’ at your house?
Tim: ‘Naughty mat?’ It’s the ‘Naughty cliff’! “I am going to drive you off a ‘Naughty Cliff! Don’t’ worry about your shoes, you ain’t comin’ back. Let’s go meet the LORD! What do you say to that, boy?”
Bob: I am sure people see you on stage and they must say this to your wife all the time, “I bet living with Tim; I bet it is just a laugh a minute. I bet he is just hysterical around the house.”
Tim: I am! I am a genius! Everywhere!
Bob: I’m guessing that at home you are probably just pretty normal.
Tim: You know what? I think a lot of comedians were very boring to be around, and I think the reason is because we are observational. We are like sponges, we are just looking. You know when you see us at a party, we are the ones in the corner just looking at everybody, and then when we get on stage, it just kind of comes out. That’s my theory.
Bob: If you were describing the Hawkins’s home to folks in an audience, try to just give us a picture of what marriage looks like at your house.
Tim: I will give it in a word, “ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh!” There you go! Does that help you; crystallize that for you, Bob?
Dennis: I want to switch gears for a second and do something purposeful.
Tim: We have wood floors, you can hear everything.
Dennis: You were raised in a Christian home, is that right?
Tim: Well they said they were,,, I think so,,,, Yes. I was, absolutely.
Dennis: When did you come to faith in CHRIST and how did you come to a commitment to the Savior?
Tim: Well, when I was six. I remember there was a picture up on our Sunday school wall and it was a picture of a girl that had passed away and she was in a casket. She was waking up and Jesus was there waiting for her and I said, “When I die, I want Him to be there when I am done.” And it seems very simple, but it was very real and made sense. I liked Jesus! I wanted to be with Him!
Dennis: Did you become a follower of Christ after that?
Tim: Yes I did! I don’t really have any ‘road to Damascus story’ or any really ‘lightning-bolt’ thing that happened in my life. To be honest with you there have been a lot of ups and downs. There’s a lot of ‘going away’, a lot of ‘coming back’, some rededication, some falling away, and doing my own thing. I am plugged into a great church right now in St. Louis; the St. Louis Family Church.
Bob: How do you keep your walk with Christ as the bedrock of your life, as you are out 130 times a year doing comedy?
Tim: I have a lot of accountability friends. I have an accountability guy who – for internet usage and for things like that; which is a blessing! I also have friends at home I get together with once a week, when we can, but . . . a lot of prayer.
Dennis: Spiritually speaking, as you look at what you do, doing comedy for churches, how do you fit that in? How do you view comedy as a part of God’s creation?
Tim: It is just so natural. And I find that it is so universal. It really is healing. It is just a healing thing. There is so much good material out there, but to be honest with you, it is really serious, and we need a release.
People go about their daily lives and they don’t even know they need to laugh. They got their thing going on that they never have a chance to look up and appreciate what we have. And appreciate that other people are going through the same things that they are going through, and comedy is a great way to do that.
Really what I love about doing it is the family thing. Families can get together at a show and have a shared experience. A lot of times you get to churches or other places we separate them. “Okay kids, you go in that building, parents you go in that building.” It is just a thrill to have a shared experience, where they are all at the same thing. That is one of the thrills I get.
Bob: Have you been surprised, has there been anybody come up and talk about how God has used your comedy in some spiritual way in their life?
Tim: Oh yes! Well, stories from Iraq and people overseas, people going through sickness, and things like that. I get all the time “I haven’t laughed in ten years.”
Dennis: Really! Are you talking about soldiers who are watching your YouTube videos?
Tim: Yes! My videos have been sent over there. I get emails all the time from people from Iraq and Afghanistan.
Dennis: Guys in the middle of war who need something to laugh about.
Tim: Right! There is a story of a friend that I met a couple of years ago, his name is Zack Divendorf . He was from Rochester, New York. I am talking about a 12-13 year old kid who was diagnosed with a brain tumor about a year ago. And we lost him 3 months ago. In that time, and he was a fan and he was going through. . . I just can’t understand it . . . going through chemo as a 13 year old kid. And that is what he had to look forward to – I can’t grasp that, I don’t deserve that, but for some reason God has worked me into it. I am glad to be a part of it.
Dennis: Your legacy…? What would you like your legacy to be?
Tim: I know that answer! I want to refresh people! There is a verse in Philemon that talks about you have refreshed the souls of the saints. I want to refresh people; plain and simple.
Dennis: Humor does do that!
Tim: It does!
Bob: Alright, any songs that you have been working on? Anything new? This is a classic here. This is a song about being married, and how you learn the hard way as a husband.
Things You Don't Say to You Wife (song)
Words by Tim Hawkins
Hey Honey, have you gained some weight in your rear end?
The dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend
And where’d you get those shoes, I think they’re pretty lame
Would you stop talking ‘cause I’m trying to watch the game
CHORUS
If you’re a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don’t say to your wife
I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday
I didn’t ask you but I knew it’d be ok
Go make some dinner while I watch this fishing show
I taped it over our old wedding video
Tim: (I’ve done that – shut up!)
CHORUS
If you’re a man who wants to live a long and happy life
These are the things you don’t say to your wife
Dennis: You know, it’s interesting this song has three stanzas.
Tim: It does!
Dennis: There’s lots of content.
Tim: And a solo!
Your cooking is OK but not like mother makes
The diamond in the ring I bought you is a fake
Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill?
Happy anniversary Sweetie I bought you a tread-mill.
CHORUS
If you’re a man who doesn’t want to get killed with a knife
These are the things you don’t say to your wife
Tim: Live and learn people!
Bob: Learn from Tim’s mistakes. That is really what your life is all about; share your mistakes with people and let them learn from them.
Tim: Embrace the failure. I like to say! It’s your best friend!
Dennis: You know earlier I asked you to do a tribute to your Mom, Nelda. Your Dad’s name is…?
Tim: Dave
Dennis: Dave. I’d like you to come back in just a moment and I’d like you to give your Dad a tribute. It is all about Exodus 20:12; honoring your Mom and Dad. I think, interestingly, Tim, this really does something for the audience for those Moms and Dads who are in the midst of raising their kids, right now, and they may have a Timmy, who’s kind of pushing the edges of their family.
Bob: Now you are not allowed to call him, Timmy. Only I can call him Timmy.
Tim: I’ll let it go, just this once.
Bob: Nelda and me. While you are thinking about what you want to share with your Dad, let me let our listeners know that on our website FamilyLifeToday.com, they can get more information about your ministry. There is a link to your website there. We have got come clips that we have posted on there as well. We have copies of your DVD called, “I’m No Rock Star,” in our FamilyLife Today Resource Center.
So, if folks are interested, this is a 90 minute performance done at the Metro Center in Arlington, TX. It is great for the whole family to watch. This is something that everyone will enjoy and you can order a copy when you go to our website FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, the title of the DVD is, “I’m No Rock Star.” You will find it online at FamilyLifeToday.com or you can call toll free at 1800-FL-Today. That’s 1-800-358-6329. That’s 1-800 F as in “family” L as in “life” and then the word TODAY, and then we can make arrangements to have this DVD sent out to you.
Let me encourage you. If there is any way you can get in touch with us this week by phone at
1-800-FL-Today, or online at FamilyLifeToday.com, and, if you would consider making a donation to FamilyLife Today we would really appreciate it. The last 12 months have been a challenge, not just for us, but for a lot of ministries and we have had to respond to that challenge in some significant ways. We have had to lay off some of our staff. We have had to implement some salary reductions. We have had to curtail a lot of ministry that was taking place. We have essentially had to cut the budget by about 20 percent over the past year.
And as we have let our listeners know about these challenges, many of you have responded and made what I know for many of you, were sacrificial donations to help support this ministry and we do appreciate your support. As a result, we have been able to continue on this station and on our network of stations all across the country. We are hoping that can continue in the months ahead as well.
Now August is the end of our ministry year and so we are hoping to end this ministry year in as financially healthy of a situation as we can. That is why we are asking you to consider making a contribution this week for the ministry of FamilyLife Today. You can either do that online at FamilyLifeToday.com or you can call 1-800-FL-Today and make a donation over the phone. I just want to say thanks in advance for your support of the ministry and we appreciate your financial partnership with us.
I also want to encourage you that when you are online at FamilyLifeToday.com we have posted some videos that share with you some compelling accounts of how God has used the ministry of FamilyLifein some significant ways in the lives of some of our listeners. I hope when you go online you will take a few minutes and watch a couple of those videos. I think you will find them very encouraging. And again, we appreciate your support of this ministry. Dennis!
Dennis: Well, I want to thank Tim Hawkins for being on the broadcast. Tim thanks for coming down from St. Louis – a fellow Cardinal fan.
Tim: Go Cards!
Dennis: Go Cardinals! Tim has kept us light today. A little humor which I think we all need in this culture. I asked him earlier if he would come back and close the broadcast with something a little more on the serious side and give a tribute to his dad. So, the floor is yours, Tim.
Tim’s Tribute to His Dad
Tim: Oh Dad! Pop! The first recollection I remember of you, Dad, you were pitching fast pitch softball in your men’s league. I forget if it was a church league or something. It was amazing! You were just an incredible athlete – growing up. I remember you were just so good at it. That is what I remember a lot about my childhood with you, Dad. Growing up with you playing catch in the backyard, you just cared. You just loved us. You loved me and Todd so much! You took the time; you just always made time for us. I can’t count how many baseballs you threw to us or just how many games you showed up at. I know your dad…I don’t know if he ever saw you play at all, but you totally made up for it, Dad. I just want to say that I respect you and I am proud of you. I would have no other dad.
You are a wonderful person. You are a passionate person. And you are a humble person. You taught me how to be humble. And you just taught me humility, Dad. You taught me how to treat people.
You were raised in an atmosphere, to be honest with you, it wasn’t very race friendly. You taught me how not to judge people by the color of their skin and to respect other people, no matter what they looked like. I love you, Dad. Every time I see you I just light up because you are still my Dad. I will see you soon hopefully.
Bob: FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.
Help for today, hope for tomorrow.
© 2009 FamilyLife
Buy resources from this week's broadcast at the FamilyLife Resource Center
Behind the scenes video of Tim Hawkins in the studio